Realizing the Effect of Cancer on my Kid

OK, THIS IS A SERIOUS WARNING!!! WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ, WILL MAKE YOU CRY...if you normally read my blog, at work, don't...and I would grab some tissues.

Last night was Rylan's back to school night.  I sit down at his desk and start reading the papers that he has left out for me...totally not prepared for what I was about to read.
Needless, to say I was very thankful when the teacher started talking and drew my attention away from what I had just read.  The teacher explained that the kids were writing a personal narrative.  He mentioned that he was teaching the kids that their best writing would come when they wrote about something that meant a lot to them.  Well, I would say Rylan hit the nail on the head.  Anyways, I could not wait to get home and tell my son, "How much I loved him."  And I had so many questions???

I knew that my kids were affected by my illness but I really thought that they had escaped some of it...they really seemed it didn't worry them too much! This proved all my thoughts wrong!  My world was just flipped upside down!

As soon as I got home, I told Rylan how much I loved his paper and I asked him a few questions about it.  As soon as I started talking to him about it, he got tears in his eyes. Part of the project is to read it out loud to the class and I asked him if he had done that yet.  He immediately said no and that he didn't want to.  I pray that if he does have to read it, that he can get through it.  I asked him if there was a particular instance that he was writing about.  If it was my surgery, my chemo treatments, or what?  He clearly described the time that I was in the hospital after one of my treatments because of my heart.  I am pretty sure it was the 3rd treatment when my Aunt Julie was here.  I never knew he was as scared as he was.  I never knew he would remember the details that he remembers.  I never knew.....

But now that I do, I am never going to take for granted the moments I have with my precious angels.  I will hug them as often as I can and love them every second of every day.  My head is still spinning after reading this paper and I think it will be for a long time.

My brain MRI was clear and my neck MRI showed a pinched nerve in between 2 vertebrae.  We are praising the Lord that is what is causing the headaches and neck pain.  I am seeing a physical therapist to treat that. 


  1. WOW. Yup, definitely tissue-worthy.

    The part that hit me the hardest was that he remembered your room number and the sound the door made. Kids are pretty amazing. YOUR kids are pretty amazing.

  2. Definitely glad I waited until I came home from work. Saw your post on my lunch break. Glad you gave a warning. I love my Rylan. Amazing that he remembers your room # from that long ago. He is so caring. All of them are. They all tried to be so brave. They love you so much. Don't ever doubt that. You are an amazing Mom with amazing children. God is awesome!!!!

  3. Well i read it at work - should have gone with your advice not to. You are an amazing woman and your kids seem to be so well adjusted. I will keep all of you in my prayers. Love~Jois

  4. Wow! What an amazing little guy you have. I'll pray he can get through reading his paper to his class. Praise God for your good medical report. I love reading your blog.
    I continue to pray for you and your family.


  5. Wow. I really am speechless. The details he and You have a Writer on your hands!
    I don't really know your kids, but that made me want to give him a great big hug!


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