I'm Back and My Brain is Working

So yesterday, I had my 3 month appointment with my oncologist. My last CT scan was clear and everything with the appointment was great.  He told me he would check my CA125 in 4 months and see me then. Praise God!

Here is where my brain starts working:  When I finished treatments, I really didn't have time to think.  Life went back to normal and quick.  The boys were in baseball, I had a camp to run, and we had 3 trips back to back.  Now that the busyness has slowed a little and I am back home, I am really starting to think. There is so much on my mind, I don't know exactly how to spill it all out so I am going to try to make sense.

The night before my appointment, I read a blog of a high school friend of mine who has breast cancer.  She is awesome and inspiring and has really given God all the glory through her entire process. She now has a mass on her brain that they are having to remove and she is still remaining strong through her struggle.  Our church body lost yet another young lady to cancer the same day.  She also remained strong and faithful until the very end.  Both of these events hit me pretty hard the day that I had a good appointment.  I am still sorting out exactly why, but here are a few thoughts.

  1.  God is ultimately the one in control.  I keep going back to the Lord's Prayer and that we are to pray "your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." Matthew 6:10  I wonder sometimes why God makes the choices He does?  Why does He leave some people here on earth and why does He take some to be with Him? (sometimes all to early according to us)  My comfort in this is that I know He is in control.  His will is being fulfilled  even if I don't fully understand it.  

2.  It is hard to pray for His will to be done sometimes.  Because sometimes that means that life will be harder on the ones that are left here on earth.  Again though, I can take comfort in knowing that God has a plan for the young boy even though his mother went to be with Jesus.  God has a plan for everyone in that family and all of the friends and lives she touched. Unfortunately I have seen too many people join Jesus this past year.  I have not known many of them personally but I have read their stories and I have spent many hours praying for them and the people around them. When I try to look at the story from God's perspective, I begin to see all the lives He is touching through these people.  Just this week over 300 people gathered at the hospital to pray and praise God for this young woman that was dying.  You can't tell me, that God did not have that planned and that He didn't use it for His glory.  It's hard for us when our loved ones go on to be with Jesus, but we can take comfort in the fact that they are rejoicing with Him and one day, we too will be there.  Our new pastor at our church just wrote a blog post on this and it really helped put words to some of my struggles.  Here is a link to the post.

3.  I want to allow God to fulfill His will through me.  I want to seek His will and I want to listen.  So right now, I am trying to take away some of the clutter and truly seek His will and plan for me.  I want to thank Him, praise Him and give Him all the glory.  

Anyways, in keeping with the realness of who I am, I wanted to share these thoughts with anyone interested.  Please share any comments, thoughts, ideas or struggles.  Also, continue to pray for those around you touched by cancer.  It is such a nasty disease.  


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