Answers...

So today, I got a call from the doctor with the results on the pathology and to be honest with you....answers sometimes SUCK!  Pardon my bluntness.  I have Stage 3a invasive ovarian cancer.  What this means for me is that I had cancer within my right ovary, miscroscopic cancer cells on the outside lining of my uterus and miscroscopic cancer cells on my omentum(inner lining of abdominal wall).  All 28 of the lymph nodes he took out were clean which is good.  The doctor is optimistic in that he feels like he got all of the cancer cells he saw.  The next step will be 6 treatments of chemotherapy spaced 3 weeks apart. 

So that's all the medical mumbo jumbo....here is how I am.  I lost it when I got the call.  I cried a lot.  I had to call Josh at work and tell him and then wait for him to get here.  I then had the opportunity to cry some more and tell a few other people.  Then I had 2 good friends at the house that prayed with us and it helped to calm me down.  We have strategically had to tell family and good friends all day today which is exhausting.  I wish I had the energy to call each and every person and tell you but I don't so through the strength of God, I am writing this and trying to be as honest as possible. 

But through it all, God is working.  Just this afternoon, I got 2 facebook messages and a tweet from people who have no idea what today was going to entail.  My boss took a book to work today which she wasn't for sure why but what she opened to is "Jehovah rophe - (je-ho-vah ro-phay) - The God who heals" in Exodus 15:26   Then she heard from me and knew why.  God is AWESOME!!!  I can not tell you how much all the phone calls, facebook messages, texts, tweets and any other type of support have meant to me through all of this.

Going forward, I have to admit, "THIS SUCKS!"  And I don't have to be thankful for cancer. But I am commanded to be thankful in all circumstances.  Again, our pastor's sermon seemed to speak right to me this weekend. Again here is the link, you should listen to it(Doing the Impossible).  I have been filled with gratitude and thanks for many things lately but I always wondered how do I say I am thankful that I have cancer because I am not.  I can say that I am thankful for the things that are happening because of this journey we have been set on.  How do I explain the thankful heart that I have had to someone else?  Pastor Mark's sermon really put this into a new light for me.  So I will continue to be thankful in the circumstances we are in while admitting that having cancer is not what I wanted.

I am thankful for:

my beautiful family
my amazing friends
the constant presence of God through all of this
the closeness of my family through all of this
the opportunity to cry, pray and struggle through something that through Christ we will prevail.
the opportunity to celebrate Christ's birthday through Christmas
the strength and peace that God is giving me

and there are many many more but I will conitnue again another day.

Love, ME








Comments

  1. Michelle, I'm sorry to hear it! I know that everyone was hoping for Stage I or II but it's III. I have Stage IIIc and can totally sympathize. One of the things I've been grateful for is the increased levels of calm and quiet in my life now, as well as being forced to take care of myself. I've also been grateful for the friends & neighbors, as well as family, who've stepped up to offer help. I have just had my 5th "big chemo" (taxol, carboplatin, & avastin) of the 6 and although I'm doing relatively I too have hard times. Also I have a lot of information from my mom, who's also a survivor, of the teacher/learner/scientific type like me. I can talk to you whenever you like about whatever, emotions to drugs to family management to books for the children, so please stay in touch. {{{{Hugs}}}}!

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  2. My tears and heart are with you. You were so encouraging to me last year when I needed someone to talk with. Please feel free to use me if you need! Love you my sister in Christ,
    Tanya

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  3. Michelle, we love you and are praying for your health and for the entire family.
    Chris and Corinne

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  4. Michelle, please know that I am praying for you. I am crying with you during all of this and wish I could reach through this computer and give you a hug. Praise the Lord for your encouragement through His Word and HIs people. Love you!! Mandy
    "For nothing will be impossible with God." Luke 1:37

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  5. Praying for you and your family!!

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  6. Michelle, thank you for your honesty and willingness to share so openly about your news today. I cried all the way through reading your post and with a mixture of emotions. I felt really sad just hearing you say that your pathology was and is worse than what you thought it would be. Then, I cried more to just hear you talk about how God is moving in your heart and your ability to go to Him with all your cares and worries...just like the verse that says something like "cast all your anxieties on the Lord and He will bring you peace" I may have totally gotten this wrong, but I think I have a few words correct!

    Anyways, I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis and will share with my Bible studies about your health so we can lift you up in prayer (if that is okay?). You are an amazing woman of God Michelle and I know He is already glorified through your suffering by the way you are holding onto Jesus. The way that you have responded so far is maybe part of God's purpose to encourage other people? Even though you are walking through dark places with unknowns, you are such a LIGHT to everyone around you and I know Jesus is sharing with you in all the emotions too.

    Love Emily

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  7. As I pray for you about this, Michelle, I am overwhelmed by the love Jesus has for you. I am not sure how aware you are of the impactful witness that your life already is to His his love, goodness and faithfulness through your role as a wife, mother and believer. This next journey will no doubt expand your witness in a new way. This does suck. This is just horrible...Our God is great and strong and perfect and able to work wonders through everything. We are standing behind you in faith. We are praying for you constantly. We are here for you and Josh and the entire family. Much love- Ellen Gardner

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